I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
