You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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