i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
