So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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