soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize