I'm really into asian looking animals
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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