at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
