I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
