ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this boner is exhausting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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