Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
