I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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