When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
