Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
