I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Even my vagina gasped.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
