In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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