the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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