we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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