he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
