There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
