Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
