I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
