Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
