oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
