can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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