i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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