Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
