So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
