do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
