I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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