Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
