at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
