Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
