I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
