I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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