More tranny stories later!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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