so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize