Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
