very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my poor anus
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
