I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
