just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize