Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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