I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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