I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
