; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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