She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
