I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
