I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
