so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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