Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

so... thinking about masturbating finally

(661): View more from California

taking the losers way out I see

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(845): View more from New York

Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on

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(519): View more from Ontario

sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.

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(440): View more from Ohio

That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings

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(802): View more from Vermont

My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week

(475): View more from Connecticut

How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple

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