New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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