I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
