All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
