i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
