no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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