If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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