Just fell off a train. Bad.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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