Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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