that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
