he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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