my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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