Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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