just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
