im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
