Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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