Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
