Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
