if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
