You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at about main and main street
I think a kid would responsible me up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
