Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
